Day 11: Sleepless... but not in Seattle

Katie has another challenging night with anger, tears, and her yelling, nodding and hopping tics... and wasn't able to get to sleep till around 10:00 PM once again. So unsettled. I can tell she is trying her best... and I am hearing Katie express more and more some really good understanding about herself and challenges... but she also thinks it's hopeless and that she will never be able to change. But we are only in the second week... we have several more to go... and I am confident that God is going to strengthen her from the inside out as she applies the new tools she will acquire here at UCLA. She has a great rapport with her psychologist, Miss Melody... and Mark and I are very confident in her knowledge and ability to empower Katie. It was so special to hear Miss Melody report to me last night that although Katie said she feels like nobody likes her sometimes, she says, "But God loves me and He always will. That will never change."

That's right, Katie-girl... He does love you... enormously.

So do I.

So does daddy.

And so do a LOT of other people who are praying for you right now.

Once again, a song is sounding in my hear...

"God will make a way, where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He WILL make a way."

This morning two children in the program "graduated" and will be leaving the clinic. They have a very traditional graduation party... with a red carpet the kids walk down... wearing a graduate hat and tassel... getting a diploma... lots of cheering and photos... cake and punch... a big gift from the clinic staff... and friends and extended family around. Katie sat at the side with a horrible stomach and chest ache... almost in tears... she was SO SAD to see her friends graduate. Sh said she will miss them... and the pains in her body were the result of her loss. It was such a tender ceremony... there were tears all around... and when it was over, the two graduates got to sign the under side of the red carpet. When they flipped the red runner over, it was ABSOLUTELY COVERED with children's signatures from the past. ALL THOSE KIDS. Where are they now? Are they okay? Are they doing well? What I saw represented under that runner moved me deeply.

I don't know when it will be, but when Katie finally graduates from the program, I would love to invite some of you to come if you can. If you are interested, let me know and I'll see if I can get clearance with the staff here. I can't begin to tell you how proud I will be on that day. But then... I am proud of my girl even now, despite her current challenges.

This afternoon we had our family counseling session at 11 AM. Mark, Bea and I spoke with Katie's psychologist and we had a good time of talking with her. We did, however, get some sad news. The psychologist here at UCLA "rotate" residency every so often, and Miss Melody will be rotating away next week... and we will acquire a new psychologist to work with. It's hard to have established a good relationship with a counselor and then have to shift gears and get comfortable with a new one... but God knows... He is the great Chess player, and He moves His pawns around as He chooses. Certainly Miss Melody is no exception... and we believe that the next psychologist will effectively take us through the rest of our journey here. The difficulty I am struggling with this is... I know as Katie's momma, that she doesn't do transition and changes well... and she has already begun to open up to Miss Melody the deep things of her heart. How is she going to do through this change...?

Katie hasn't been told about Miss Melody's leaving yet... and won't be until late next week. That will be Miss Melody's job. So we will need to hold this quietly in our hearts until she is told.

Once again.... I need to cast my fears and concerns on Jesus who bears my worries for me. He is in control of Katie's time here... He desperately LOVES her and knows what's best for HER... and I need to rest in that... and not be afraid. Fear wastes good time.

Have I told you lately how thankful we are for those of you who are praying for us today?? It means more to us that you'll ever know.

Please forgive the lengthiness of my blogging... but I am trying to get as much memory and information in these writings as I can... my intent is to one day print these pages out... bind them together in a small book... and have it available to Katie when she gets older... so she can see how very loved she is and how much she has been able to overcome with God's help and the many prayers and encouragements of family and friends. Feel free to leave your comments to Katie... I assure you, they will be remembered for years to come.

Gratefully yours,
Susan