Day Four: Kourageous Kate

Well... the morning started out a little earlier than normal because we had to get to the Laboratory first. There was no traffic and we were able to sail on the roads quickly. When we were almost there, I told Katie that she had to give a urinalysis at the Lab first. "Do I need to get a poke too?" she asked. I swallowed hard and told her that I hadn't looked at the paperwork that morning and would check when we got there (that's true... I hadn't looked at it that morning yet).

When they handed me the urine container for Katie, she asked me again... "Do I need to get a poke too?"... and this time I told her yes. She began to cry (wouldn't you??) and yet was compliant and non resistant. After much coaching and encouragement from her mom... and a truckload of tears, the tech slid the needle in... and Katie suddenly stopped crying and looked up at me... "It never hurts very much... why do I get so afraid?" I had to laugh and told her that NOBODY LIKES needles... they are scary... but blood work seldom hurts that much. I told her how proud I was of her courage and strength and she gave me a big grin. I think she complained more about the tape on her arm than she did the poke... and then we were off to the clinic.

I had a good discussion with the clinic staff about Katie's perplexing evening... handed in the paperwork... was reassured by Nurse Barbara that we would discuss this in detail at our next meeting on Thursday... and then I made my way down to the parents lounge for the day. A warm cup of sugar-free hot chocolate helped me to close my eyes and let the Holy Spirit stroke my heart and calm my frazzled nerves.

At 2:45 like clockwork I made my way upstairs and got my daily report on how Katie did during the day. She did well... another good day... but at one point, while she was talking with the psychologist, Katie began to get very emotional... refusing to answer any more questions. The Psychologist (Melody) told Katie that when we hold our emotions and thoughts in they can cause us body pains. Katie kept telling Melody she didn't know what she was feeling and didn't want to talk anymore, so they spent the rest of the session playing with a ball. Someone could look at this as uneventful, but for us this is a beginning of breakthrough. She is becoming "real" with her tears and the honeymoon might be nearing its end.

Two songs have been on "continuous play" in my head for the past 4 days...

"God will make a way, where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me
He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way
God will make a way".

...and the other...

"He is jealous for me
He loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful He is and how great His affections are for me....

And oh, how He loves us so...
Oh How He loves us...
How He loves us so....

He is our portion and we are His prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking...
Then heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way....

He loves me,
Oh how He loves me,
Oh how He loves me,
Oh how He LOVES."

No time for regrets... no time for fear... no time for doubt...

He loves me.

He loves Katie.

He loves Mark.

He loves Bea.

He loves these doctors.

He loves you.

(and we do too... )

Thanks for your prayers.

Susan