Day Fifteen: Marathon Thursday

Katie had a very unsettled morning... angry at everything and everyone... but once we got in the car and she started eating breakfast (which she had sourly called "Lame") she brightened up for the remainder of the drive to the clinic.

Mark, Bea and I all went together today since it was "Marathon Thursday" again... three hourly meetings with separate specialists throughout the day. Because each one of the meetings tend to be rather emotional in nature, our exhaustion level runs high by the end of the day. Hopefully we'll eventually acquire better emotional 'sea legs' for these more challenging days and learn to pace ourselves better. Meanwhile, we are mentally walking arm-in-arm, holding each other up as we go.

Our meetings with the parenting specialist, psychologist and social worker this afternoon was hard but very beneficial. We were instructed a new way to respond when Katie has her emotional "melt downs" which is going to challenge all of us when that time comes. We are to resist "rescuing and calming" her when she works herself into hysteria... and suggest very mono-tone to her that she needs to calm and control herself. We are to ignore her screaming, crying, psychosomatic pains, whining and flailing... and maintain the "broken-record-monotone" suggestions for her to use the tools the ABC clinic has given her to calm herself and work through the pains. (Of course if there is an actual reason for her pain, then we need to move in and help). We were also instructed that we need to help her become more independent in her daily functions (drying herself after a bath, putting on her shoes, brushing her teeth, etc...) and not allow ourselves to be drawn into her whining and accusations of not "loving her" and to those things for her. As I said.. it was hard but good instruction.

The days end report was that Katie had a good day... a few meltdowns... but overall did well and succeeded to ignore a new child who was chiding her about not doing things well. She seemed in a good mood, and we had a good drive home.

We had an hour downtime before we were to leave for dinner out... and a few minutes before we were to leave, Mark asked Katie to put her shoes on. She said her tummy hurt and she couldn't and told us to go upstairs and put her socks and shoes on for her. Mark and I looked at each other and knew there was no time better than the present to begin our new parenting instructions.

Very monotone Mark told her that we understood she didn't feel good but she needed to get her shoes on. She began to explode and cry and whine... but we very kindly held our ground and again (broken-record style) told her that she could put her shoes on upstairs or in the car... but she needed to get in the car. After 15 minutes of crying, "You don't love me's" and "You don't care about me's"... yelling, whining and resistance, she slowly made her way downstairs... shoes in hand... and after a few minutes of crying that she couldn't get in the car... she THREW her shoes in the car and got in.

On the ride to the restaurant we experienced her worst emotional blow-up ever.... I put some quiet music on and she SCREAMED at the top of her lungs... "TURN THAT MUSIC OFF!!!" I very monotonely said, "No.. this is my turn to pic the song and I want to hear it". She became even more enraged, demanding that I turn it off. Mark and I remained very monotone... ignoring her volume and theatrics, and told her no. In addition to her loud crying and hysteria she began stomping her feet. I told her that she needed to calm herself down using the techniques that the ABC Clinic had taught her... but she refused. (Did I tell you I had my earplugs in all this time?? That was another suggestion to me from the team. They worked GREAT!)

When we got to the restaurant parking lot, Mark told me to go in and meet Bea and get a table... and he and Katie would be along once she was able to calm herself. Mark drove Katie to a far-away stall (so as not to draw attention by the noise) and sat in the car while Katie began hitting the window with her fists and flopping her body all over the back seat. He ignored it all (yay Mark!!)... and after a while Katie demanded that Mark get out of the car and leave her alone. He kindly refused saying that he wanted to stay in his seat. But once she asked, "PLEASE leave me alone".. Mark stepped out to the side of the car and quietly prayed for her as she continued her VERY LOUD hysteria. A few moments later, she cried out, "Daddy, I need your help!!!" Mark opened the door and asked very calmly... "How can I help you?"... at which point Katie jumped into his arms, threw her arms around his neck, and IMMEDIATELY STOPPED CRYING. He asked her if she was settled and she said "Yes". A few seconds later as they were waling towards the restaurant, Katie said very matter of factly, "Now that was stupid. A 9 year old girl shouldn't act like that."

The rest of the evening at the restaurant she was the "perfect child"... happy, compliant... and very respectful and content. Go figure...

The three of them went on to Walmart after dinner to get some groceries, but me... I went home immediately after and went directly to bed.

I have to tell you... Mark and I felt so "empowered" with our new parenting approach. We won the battle, and our emotions weren't strung out afterwards. And we could see that Katie could 'right' herself given the Independence. THANK YOU Jesus... and thank you ABC Clinic.

Chow 4 Now,
Susan