Today is Mark's day to blog, so the update will reflect my thoughts, ideas and stereotypical male brevity (just the facts, mam...just the facts).
The drive in this morning was delightful. Katie was talkative, cheery, fun. And, so were the rest of us. Armed with our comprehensive recaps of the previous evening's events, we walked into the ABC Clinic ready to share our stories. Both Barbara, the parenting expert, and Melody, the psychologist, were beaming with pride over our accomplishments. I had expected them to be concerned that yesterday's meltdowns...and our reaction to them...would be considered abusive and inappropriate. Instead, they applauded us and encouraged us to keep going. Melody sat on the couch trying to hide her giggles as I described Katie's screaming and flopping.
The rest of the day will be spent chilling and waiting. Susan is playing Mexican Train Dominoes, Bea is reading and I'm writing. After lunch, we'll watch the F.A.T. video Susan mentioned in yesterday's blog. Then, it will be time to pick up Katie and dash home.
A few "beneath the surface" thoughts about yesterday. For me, yesterday's episode answered a nagging question whose answer I have needed since we began this process: how do I parent when Katie is melting down? How much of her episodes are caused by emotional, mental and physiological conditions that Katie cannot control? When do I remain firm and unwavering in my expectation and when do I let it slide?
The reality is that we can expect Katie to do what we ask her to do. We may have to adjust our expectations of instant obedience, but that doesn't negate the reality that Katie is capable of obeying more than I believe she can. And to expect less of her is wrong...even when she protests loudly.
We have to adjust our styles...no more yelling upstairs, no more frustrated parental reactions, no more coddling and pampering. Instead, we are to become a broken record: "Katie, put on your shoes." And when she doesn't do it, repeat "Katie, put on your shoes." And when she doesn't do it again, "Katie, put on your shoes." And we are to do so in a loving, supportive manner that encourages Katie to become less dependent.
We certainly don't have all the answers, but we're seeing progress. And that's encouraging.
Mark
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Mark, I am so proud of how your are processing through all of this. The changes that are going on right now in all of your lives is BIG! A thought....maybe you, Susan and Bea should all have a copy of a letter from the UCLA doctors stating Katie's problems and that she is in this program that teaches you to respond a certain way...just in case an onlooker doesn't understand and decides he/she needs to get involved. That way you feel more empowered when out in public. Love all of you and am so so proud of the victories God is giving you :)
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