Day Nineteen: "I'm Going to Kill You" and the Gun

Yesterday was the last day we got to work with Dr. Bender (Katie's Psychiatrist) and Dr. Keller ("Miss Melody" the Psychologist). Because UCLA is a teaching institute, they rotate doctors in and out of various programs every few months for a wide variety of experience in their specialty areas. Doctors Keller and Bender rotated to another part of the hospital yesterday and we have two new doctors working with Katie and us... Dr. "Jessica" who is going to be Katie's new Psychologist, and Dr. "Whooziewhazzit" her new Psychiatrist (haven't met him yet). They have received the "baton" of information on Katie from their predecessors and will start their new posts today. We got to briefly meet Miss Jessica yesterday as she was walking out the door, and we could tell Katie really liked her already (they spent some time together during the day yesterday). I believe I may meet the new Psychiatrist this afternoon... or tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Katie had a good evening last night, and even ASKED me to teach her how to play full-handed chords on her new keyboard. I can't remember the last time she asked me to teach her ANYTHING. (Now that's progress.) She had to work hard to stretch her tiny little fingers to finger each chord... but within the hour she was playing and singing "Jesus Loves Me" while daddy and mommy sat there with their mouths gaping open... astounded that this sweet little girl, challenged with so many life-obstacles, had picked up this instrument so quickly. For several minutes I reflected back to when I was her age... sitting in the back bedroom in my grandparents house... wearing grandma's old sweater... tapping out songs by 'ear' on her piano and singing at the top of my lungs. And now the next generation is continuing the family gift of worship. It never ceases to amaze me how that happens....

I hope your day is a good one.... I will, as always, finish this blog later today.

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The day has taken a frightening turn of events and has caught us all off guard... while I was getting Katie's day-end report, I saw a lot of people kinda fluttering around... and they never brought Katie to me. When I went to go retrieve her, the gathering room door was shut and the nurse quickly intercepted me and rushed me into a side room. Katie was audibly and visually hallucinating. She was hearing voices telling her that they were going to kill her.. and she saw a gun (several times) pointed at her (no body... just the gun). This had been going on for 20 minutes, and several doctors were in assessing her.

Dr. Mary O'Connor (a highly renowned specialist in Child Psychology) gave me the report on Katie after assessing her. She said that Katie's psychosis (hallucinations) have absolutely NOTHING to do with the medication she is on. In fact, right now Katie has almost NO medicines in her body. The Lithium level in her is almost non-existent, and the Clonadine she is taking has no properties that would cause this problem.... all it does is suppress body tics. What we are seeing in Katie is a strong continuation of brewing psychotic issues that have been slowly increasing over a period of time. As she is maturing, so are they. We remember, at one point around Christmas time, how Katie couldn't remember where she was and couldn't recognise us.... and several times before that we remember her telling us that she didn't think we were her real parents and that we had her trapped in our home. This is just a further development of that same psychotic thinking.

Dr. O'Connor told me that if it happened again at home tonight, we should comfort Katie and let her know she is safe. If she became inconsolable, or if the hallucinations or voices didn't stop, we would need to call 911 and have them transport her to UCLA's Emergency room and they would admit her to the inpatient ward. When I heard that , my heart sank... I had been unprepared for such news... and I was alone at the hospital and couldn't reach Mark by phone. His cell had been turned off. Praise God I eventually got hold of Bea and Mark and was able to explain all the goings-on and prepare them before we arrived home. The freeway was a mess... the rain was absolutely POURING... the roads were slippery, and I had locked the back doors with the child locks lest Katie hear or see an frightening image and try to jump out the door while on the freeway. I dare say that was the most stress I have EVER experienced in my life so far. Nevertheless, God was with me... and we arrived safely home.

Katie has continued to see the pointing "gun" off and on all evening... but seems to be settled and at peace right now as she lies in bed with daddy trying to get to sleep. She will sleep with me tonight in my bed (Mark gets her bed) and will continue to sleep with me while Mark leaves tomorrow for Texas for a week with his parents. He thought he should stay and not go, but I told him to stick with his plans since he really needs to spend some time with his parents... and I have Bea here with me if I need the help. And of course, if I at any time need him to come home, all I'll need to do is call and he will be on the next plane.

I am beyond tired right now... and I need to get to bed ASAP as tomorrow morning will come very early. I can rest with assurance that.... "God will make a way, where there seems to be no way..."

Nightie night,
Susan